Summer is not a season I tend to reflect on in a positive way, in fact, I’m usually apt to exclaim my overall distaste for summer. I can’t stand the heat, and I like hoodies. Though summers of my past have been the highlights of my life. That’s not to say I had a particularly thrilling summer, yet the simplicity of it is what felt so impactful. Perspectives shift as the home that’s familiar to me takes on newer meanings. I attached high school-like feelings to home, but this summer, I experienced the surroundings with a new set of faces. It felt like the details that surrounded me were newly visible: the flowers I overlooked, the trails I forgot to tread, the porch I never laid across. Mornings felt crisp, and evenings into night felt the most calmingly blue. 

 

To leave it again was challenging, but my adjustment was swift. I look back fondly yet wonder what resonated so strongly about it. But I see blue, and that’s it. Blue feels right, in obvious ways of course, but in-depth as well. I attach a lot of memories to it, and it feels like a scheme that’s been with me for a long time. In its mystery, I’m left wondering whether the blue filled me with too much longing for ideas. That also comes with an idealized version of freedom. I don’t know if that feeling is one that I can only relate to my past or if it’s something I can take with me and reinvent. I can attach shades to the feelings.  

 

There's a light blue reflective of who I used to be at home compared to who I am at home now. This version of myself feels the same in a lot of ways, but I definitely have grown into myself, I think. Some instincts have led me to great places and an air of confidence, not just in terms of quality but in terms of desirability. But I have a vivid image burned in my brain of the kind of gay person I was and am now. There’s evil behind it that is tempting, but a state that can be shaped for good. Luckily for everyone who crosses my path, my demeanor has shifted. Luckily for me, I’ve remembered why I deserve to love myself. Blue. 

 

Navy blue, a darkness that feels refined and important. The experience of working in an office felt this same shade of blue. To wear it was to dress up for the workplace; it held a sharpness that was fine. To pass big houses on the way to the 9 to 5 was to imagine an idyllic summer day in a life of success. I found myself craving that life a lot. But that life would entail surrendering my youth. Money is a rite of passage for fun without the concern of cost, which can turn evil, as we’ve all seen. Sounds of tranquility fill the vastness of property. Emptiness feels more attached to you because of all the lounge time. It’s too much time to think, it’s like a life beyond work. But navy blue is mature; it’s grown. Growing up isn’t something people always want to do but it’s what is required of us. The idea of working for the majority of the rest of my life isn’t appealing at first glance, but the desire to work is something that will stick with me, just like navy blue.  

 

Pink is not a shade of blue, it’s not even close, but the feelings I attach to it are like those of blue. It’s a color I’ll always pair with blue but for less obvious reasons than gender, though that is on my mind. Growing up with my femininity wasn’t my choice. It wasn’t like a switch I could just turn off. I never got sick of it, and I don’t foresee myself ever getting sick of it. When you’re very feminine as a man, you’re often no longer viewed as one. I can’t even begin to discuss how many times in the past month I’ve been creatively misgendered. This feeling of being stuck in between used to be something that perplexed me, but I’ve learned to endure and embrace the confusion I might cause. I haven’t done anything to make myself “make more sense” to others in terms of my expression; I am more than happy to keep you confused. But pink is something I view as freeing in a different hue. A life of going out, having fun and blurring lines is a lifestyle I’ll incorporate wherever I may go. This heightened place makes me reflective; it allows me to explore things more deeply. I feel better, the saturation on everything is cranked up and I can really bring my walls down. But this feeling is one that should coincide with others to a small degree. Some have a life consisting of pink with no shades of blue, and they never recover; it takes life away from them. But with blue by its side, pink can transform anything it’s added to.  

 

The first time I was ever asked what my favorite color was, I didn’t know, but I knew my friend’s favorite was blue. After stealing that answer and jacking her style, I’ve come to grow a very personal connection to it. It’s a comforting thing, but it also assigns itself; it’s all around me. Blue is one of those things that keep popping up in song lyrics and on album covers. Happier memories are connected to it, so much so that it becomes sadder to have to relive and relish it. But this summer, I did so by appreciating old places with new people. I learned more about my own history and what I want from that history to carry with me. Blue isn’t the color that comes to mind when you think of summer, but maybe it should be. It’s not about the brightness of the sunshine or the green of the grass; it’s about the emotions you experience when you appreciate it. I know that sounds like “Ray of Light” by Madonna, but I am being earnest. It's a dangerous feeling to chase, depending on the shade, but there is contentment in each of them.  

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Jewelry from Ace of Diamonds: Fine Jewelry and Repair in Mount Pleasant, MI. Some of the pieces shown include; the Sterling Silver 4mm Round Cubic Zirconia Tennis Necklace 17”, the Sterling Silver Cultured Freshwater Pearl (6.0-6.5mm) Blue Topaz and .16ctw diamond Bangle, and the Platinum Plate Silver Flexible Bangle Bracelets in Synthetic Aquamarine for March, Synthetic Sapphire for September and Simulated Blue Topaz. Thank you so much to everyone at Ace of Diamonds for their support!