Growing up, I admired my cousin’s uniqueness even before it was officially heard that they came out as non-binary to my family. The purple hair, the mannerisms, the clunky boots, the fishnets and the freedom of expression in a world that tries to water it down always put me in awe. How men can go beyond stereotypes and express themselves with no limitations and how that was expressed in my own family at an early age. 

I like to say my cousin went through all the stages of grief grieving a past version of themself. It’s funny because every stage had a song it resonated with. One phase was “Smells like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana because it was right when my cousin reached the early stages of adulthood, taking the rebellion of a teenager. “It started off with the piercings,” they said.  “Looking back, the pain of a needle going through my skin gave me a sense of relief every visit. Each and every time a new needle went through my skin it was almost as if I was shedding old skin each time, like a reptile. I went through a punk period at that point of my life, and I still think I was the coolest in my prime, Lanie you remember right?” Well, yes, I do; I remember it like it was yesterday. The tongue piercing, the nose piercing, the lip piercing and the colorful ear piercings that covered their whole ear. My family had their suspicions about their sexuality, rightfully so, but younger me was intrigued by how different this experience was. It screamed freedom and, from growing up in a semi-strict household, you can say a part of me lived through them at the time. I was also tired of seeing the same wedged heels and pressed side bangs that everyone was trying to make a trend, right? 

Different genres within alternative music push either minimalist or maximalist aesthetics.  I would like to say my cousin transitioned into their Kurt Cobain era and honestly, that was my favorite. When I was young, my grandma was an avid smoker. Though she would never let me see her smoke, I would always smell it. She would feel regret and didn’t want her grandkids to pass on her unhealthy habits, but little did she know the oldest grandkid saw enough. There was a period I remembered when my cousin probably smoked more cigarettes than my grandmother had ever smoked in her 70+ years of living. My grandma found out and, per usual, my family found it to be concerning, but I loved it. The attitude, the style, was something to look forward to every time I saw them. The outfits gave basic, but it seemed like Newport cigarettes always made it a “fit” if you know what I mean. Just like they always say to this day, “I don’t care,” and they meant it. Playing with a Rubik’s Cube during our other cousin’s birthday party, the wired headphones blasting rock music during family outings, people hated it, but I admired it. I remember I was about 12 years old asking them, “What are you listening to?” Of course, the answer was Cobain, right? 

Before I continue, I would like to educate how alternative music genres are often associated with DIY, which extends into fashion. Men might customize their own clothes. Whether it's distressing a denim jacket, adding patches from bands they admire or mixing thrifted items. This mirrors the underground, non-commercial appeal of alternative music and most importantly, self-expression. In 2021, when I was graduating, I was so excited to see my family, but I was more excited to see what era my cousin was living in during then. When they arrived, I wish I could say I was surprised by what I saw. Purple box braids, hoop earrings, fishnet tights, combat boots, bright but subtle makeup and we can’t forget the cigarette. I lived for it because it only took one look for people to make opinions on their look. If you’ve read this far, and you don’t know by now how I live for rebellion, then you’re not reading this article right. I loved how every time we had a conversation, they would express their outfit of the day and we would talk about music because music will always be my favorite thing to analyze about somebody’s personality. “I like Willow now,” they said. “Have you heard her album?” As we talked, I found my cousin interesting because they didn’t express one type of style. It’s hard for me to grow interested in getting to know somebody unless they have a quality so unique that it’s hard for me to ignore. The willingness to know more gave me a greater reason to love them even more.

I am a true advocate for everybody expressing themselves through many forms of outlets, but I have so much empathy for men. We live in a society where men get backlash for expressing themselves on a different type of style that is out of the masculine norm. In this decade, I believe Generation Z is going to be the generation to change the narrative of what our parents, grandparents and great grandparents believed of what was expressing ourselves through style. How cropped styles can be used as a more genderless style instead of assuming somebody’s sexuality based on the way that they dress. When you read this, let this be advice that expressing your personal style should not be limited to anybody’s beliefs on what they may think. You have a dress you want to rock? Do it. You have a cropped shirt outfit you want to style but other people don’t approve? Do it. True style involves taking a risk even if some people don’t approve, it is all about confidence. 

At the end of the day, I am a true believer that art imitates art. Almost as much as people imitate music. I believe that any type of music you can connect with reflects the type of person you are. Music is words being manifested into your life, and as humans, I feel like we should choose wisely with the type of tunes that we listen to in our ears as it reflects self. My cousin is a product of this because their whole life has been based on defeating expectations and just living a life that brings purpose. As a man reading this, is the music you're listening to letting you live in your truth?